God, Is That You?

Why yes I do have a lot to say tonight, but my little brain has been running a 1,000 miles a minute today so I think you should know what's going on.

 So about 3 weeks ago God woke me up out of a dead sleep and presented me with a challenge.  He said, "Shelley, I am going to use you in away that you would have never thought of in your life.  I want you to become the voice of those who were bullied like you were when you were growing up.  I will provide...just trust in me."  Now how on earth are you supposed to come up with a response to that especially after sleeping for 8 hours and not know the day or time at that moment?  I'll tell you what you do, you walk yourself down to your computer and you start searching for ways to become involved.  I spent the entire day that Tuesday looking for programs in Central Ohio that advocate anti-bullying.  Can I tell you how sad it is that I only came across two, yes TWO programs in our great State's capital that run programs to help those who have been bullied. 

Okay, God you didn't say this was going to be easy.  So I called both not expecting any response and to actually be blown off.  Never doubt God when He says he will provide.  Not 2 hours after I called the Educational Council in Franklin County the director called me and wanted to know my story.  He didn't ask how I wanted to be involved or what my intentions were...he wanted to know about Shelley.  So I gave him a brief synopsis and he jumped on the opportunity to get me involved.  One hour after talking to him, Cabot Rea of NBC4 is calling me and wanted to do an interview with me the very next day.  He has this series called Battle Against Bullying and he wanted me to be involved.  So the next day, after my counseling appointment, I drove over to NBC4 and sat down in front of a camera to tell millions of strangers my story.  There was no turning back then when God took my little hand and made me ring that doorbell, then gently pushed me in the door and said, "I'm right here.  You will be okay."

I was okay.  I told my story.  Let God and let go.  I drove away from the station about 20 pounds lighter, which was a whole lot easier than dieting and exercising.  Cabot told me it would air the following week and I told everyone I could think of that I was going to be on TV and to tune in.  However, to my surprise I got beat out by the rapper who goes into schools to get the message out about anti-bullying.  I was crushed and devastated so I thought this was God's way of telling me that it wasn't time.  Okay, I'll be honest, I thought this was the media's way of telling me that what I had to say was not important enough to hear.  My story had been thrown in a pile of duds. 

Oh God, when will I ever learn.  I get a text message from a friend this week telling me that my story is going to air on Thursday and she saw a preview.  I told her she was nuts and didn't think anymore of it until I was watching some stupid talk show and during the commercial there I was on TV as the featured story for the next day.  I will admit that I didn't recognize myself at first and when it dawned on me that it was me I looked at Chris and said, "Oh my God that's me!"

So my story aired yesterday evening and I didn't not watch it at the time because I was at counseling.  I go to counseling a lot if you haven't noticed.  As I was waiting for my therapist to come and get me and Chris from the lobby I noticed on my phone that my Facebook was blowing up.  People were telling me that they saw my clip and that they were so proud of me.  I was too afraid to watch when we got home so I waited until like 10 to watch.  All of the responses I have received on Facebook have been so encouraging and supportive and it just brought a smile to my face.

Story over, got my message out, hope it reaches at least one person and I move on with my life.  Yeah, you know that Big Guy in the sky.  He tapped on my shoulder this evening and said I wasn't quite finished.  I got a call from Cabot Rea this evening and he said that the phones had been ringing off the hook all in response to my story and how "inspirational" it was to them.  In addition, there are several schools in the area that want me to come in and speak to their students about my experience.  HELLO GOD, are you sure?  Yes, he's sure.  So beginning Monday, I am going to start lining up speaking engagements at schools and we will see where it all goes from there. 

This is what I want to convey to these students.  1) I am no longer a victim.  2) I am regaining my power. 3) They are not alone. 4) They should not hide in the shadows.

I also want to reach those bullies and let them know that they are not "bad" and that I feel like they have their own hurts and in order to regain their power they take it out on someone else to feel superior in a world where they may always feel inferior.  I also want teachers and administrators to know that this is not kids being kids.  This is the victimization of another human being to the fullest.  Whether with words, texts, or fists.  Someone out there may get that message I did that I should go kill myself and actually go through with it in the end.  I'm glad I didn't or I wouldn't be that voice!